Dooce has an interesting post on her blog today. You should read it. There is more to it than a heartbreaking story of her daughter holding her bowel movements. No, there is more to it than just that. And she refers to it at one point in her article, but one could easily miss it. She mentions how a curt email reminded her that women are, "the most judgmental people on Earth."
And it made me a little sad afterwards because I wish I could say that she's wrong. But, I honestly don't think she is. Am I being pessimistic? No, I'd like to think I'm being a realist. And with realism, we can become idealist and fix the problem.
While we as women can congratulate and support each other in various ways, there are times that we might fail to do so. Whether it be that women feel threatened or hurt or betrayed so we talk about women and judge...it's not our place. Do you agree?
Especially in a sphere such as mothering where we should all embrace each other no matter our choices. Because, let's be honest...there isn't a role that we need more support in. We're all learning the art of motherhood together. And what is interesting is that nobody has the answers because we each have children with widely different personalities and needs.
I would hope that if other women read this blog that they too will pipe in every so often. Because I imagine a world where we all feel free to share our ideas and expand our ways of thinking {and mothering}.
So, can we be idealist in our actions and choose to not judge? I'd like to think I will be.
That article is sad. It's sad that Heather feels on her own blog that she has to explain why she has chosen to mother (potty train) the way she has. What she wrote reminded me of something I think is necessary to always reflect on in our interaction with the world:
ReplyDeletewe can NEVER truly know the reasons or "whys" behind the way somebody/anybody outside of ourselves chooses to live their lives. (Could Catherine ever guess that Letta isn't potty trained because she has been having serious medical problems?? But still...she is so rash in coming to painful judgements.)
My experience has shown that there is always circumstance I am unaware about. There is always circumstance in my own life that people (including family and close friends) don't have a clue about. That's reason enough not to judge.
I've heard that the greatest human fear is the fear of not being good enough. Why? Probably because of the prevalent judgements.
Why not ask questions to understand better? Or how you can help?
Good post.
I hope that I never become somebody who finds strength in somebody else's weakness. That's so artificial.
I was just thinking...you can respond to this idea/challenge (not judging) on so many different levels. For example, think of the person who has committed a heinous crime. The crime is disgusting, the victim is now a victim but the wrong-doer? What experiences has a person like that had to do something so horrible? Where do I stop judgement? That's tricky. But real.
ReplyDeleteWhat a great post Miss. I like reminders like this one that make me stop and think for a minute about what other people go through. I know that people do not know half the things I experience, so why would I think I know anybody else's intimate details of their life?
ReplyDeleteHere's to a year of judgement free thoughts!
Great post and comments. I'd have to agree with Heather too. That's just sad that women look to other's weaknesses to increase their self-esteem. Especially, because women need women. There is nothing like having girlfriends.
ReplyDeleteWhen I was younger, my mom decided to go back and get her nursing degree. We were at the grocery store one day and a lady from church just went off on her on how she was a bad mother for getting her education when she had children in elementary school. Ridiculous. Little did she knew that my mom getting her education actually showed us how she valued it, which I like to think influenced my love of education. I think that one major lesson I have learned is NEVER to judge a mother. Becoming a mother, especially in the non-napping days, was a humbling experience for me. We are always learning and doing whatever it takes to make our INDIVIDUAL child happy.
Thanks for the post. I echo the previous comments. Great reminder to support other women too.